Something I'm Never Going To Follow Up On

So self-image is kind of a dick.

Case in point: in my mind, I look something like this.

In reality, I'm probably indistinguishable from these decidedly normal-looking fellows here.

That being said, I've decided that I want to look like this.

Which is unfortunate, because my diet looks a lot like this.

On a deeper level, I'm probably being motivated by the fact that I play video games, and in video games, people look like this.

And this.

And this.

Actually, just ignore this one. 

In order to facilitate my potential transformation from Chubby McTruffle Shuffle into Studly Armstrong up there, I've decided to purge my diet of any and all fast food. Which is problematic, because I've reached a point where most of the happiness in my life is derived from the greasy innards of a cheeseburger. 

This is better than porn.

So now, instead of striving to stuff my food sac with enough material to make Kirby seem like a fitness expert, I'm going to...

...um.

Wait.

Oh God. 

Where do people get food from if it isn't fast food? Do I...do I have to cook things?

Do I have to go outside? Do they even have outlets out there?

WHERE THE HELL IS THE CEILING.

We'll see how this goes, I guess.

Our socially maladapted hero Johann is on a quest to rid his palate of gross food in order to sculpt himself into a more energetic and visually bearable person! Will our hero succeed*? Stay tuned!

*Editor's note: No.**

**Author's note: You're a dick.