Like most high schools, my school runs a student newspaper. Usually, the articles in our paper consist of whatever regurgitated horseshit the editors decided would be most likely to leave the biggest lipstick mark on the administration's collective ass, which tends to make the paper a burden to read. As a general rule of thumb, I tend to avoid the thing whenever possible for fear of the utter disappointment I feel in people whenever I read an article.
I was in the cafeteria during lunch, idly shuffling along in my own little world, when a friend of mine grabs my attention. He informs me that the student paper contains one of the most outrageous articles he's ever seen in his life. Knowing that I'm a sucker when it comes to mocking what I perceive as ignorant opinions, he conned me into following him to a nearby table. There, a large group of aquaintances of mine were ogling over the article and discussing the sheer stupidity of the author. Upon my arrival, they handed me the paper and pointed out the article in question, which I skimmed over briefly before making the following statement:
The others were confused. "What do you mean?"
"What I mean is, this article is making fun of hardcore conservatives. It's satire."
"....What?"
It was at that precise moment that I felt the force of 10,000 figurative facepalms smashing into my head with all the force of a well-thought out metaphor. The article in question was basically a smorgasbord of barely-concealed societal commentaries masked as an ultra-conservative rant about the immorality of young Americans. It had all the subtlety of an autistic whale and, at the risk of sounding like a conceited asshole (which I may be, but that's beside the point), I was appalled that nobody had managed to see that.
HERPADERP AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Needless to say, I was both extremely sad, and impressed with the author for having gotten such a hysterical reaction to his article. Whoever you are, mystery author, I tip my hat off to you.
Unfortunately, I have no real way to conclude this post, so here's a picture of a jar.
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